I have to admit

That I am feeling discouraged.

I realize that I haven't been trying half as long as many people, but I'm sick and tired of this. We did an IUI with clomid this month, and against all odds, I've been pretty positive. I think that is what has kept me going through what would have otherwise been a very difficult month. But my temps just aren't staying up there, and I know that this month isn't going to work.

Why why why why why!?!?!?!?

I really do just want to be like eveyone else. I want a little baby that I can call my own and take home with me at the end of the evening. I want to make my husband a dad- he's going to be such an amazing one.

Why did I get to be the one who has to be told to be patient, that my time will come, that I need to be happy for others, that it's just a matter of time, that everyone has their struggles, that God's timing will be perfect, that this is just making me into a better mom, that I need to embrace others' happiness, that I'm stronger than I think... Please God, I want a baby so bad.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.