Joy comes in the morning...

Especially when it is spring. With weather like this it is very hard to stay down.

Today I'm grateful for:

1) My amazing husband who has put up with me in most amazing ways. I love him with all of my heart.
2) An amazingly supportive family.
3) Friends who are really there for us- good and bad.
4) Dogs who won't let me crawl into myself.
5) A house that has become a haven.
6) God who is looking out for my very best, even when I don't feel like caring anymore.
7) People who have seen me at my worst and love me anyway.

Getting back on my feet

It's amazing how hard it is to pick yourself up continually. Frankly the process can become exhausting.

Life is so strange. Kurt and I were really getting into a good place in life. We were thinking forward. We were strengthening our daily relationship with God. We were getting back into a place where it was somewhat safe to reconnect with people.

Then we became pregnant, and we were overjoyed. It's funny, but I was happy to have been in a better place before we found out (not that we were anywhere near perfect, but we were gaining strength). I don't want to be happy solely based on circumstances.

Then, as you know, we lost our second baby. Life is truly about peaks and valleys- and there aren't a lot of instruction manuals. Sure I know that the Bible is God's ultimate Manual on Life, but there is no chapter telling you what to do when you are laying on an ultrasound table knowing that something isn't right. There are no verses talking about how to deal with pregnancy symptoms when there is no longer a baby there.

I am so tired of crying. I am tired of asking questions. I am tired of waiting for answers. I am tired of putting on a happy face. I am tired.

All I know is that I need to get back on my feet, but I don't know how.

I'm not pregnant anymore

We learned via an ultrasound yesterday that our baby didn't make it past the seventh week of pregnancy. We are devestated and feel very lost at the moment.

They say it's April

But I'm not sure that I believe the calendar. Check out these pictures of our lovely weather. We've been going through a snow and then melt cycle for the past several weeks. The streets than get slushy and anywhere with grass is super muddy. Just as we finally get our acts together and the cars clean- it snows again. Oh well- I choose to stay in Calgary : )

The good part of April is that it has my brand new nephew in it! We were thrilled to welcome Ethan to the world on March the 30th. Grant and Brenna do good work and have brought a very sweet baby into our family. Yesterday I drove up for my very first visit. It was well worth the drive!